Katie's Korner

Living in the Quiet

As I reflect on my social media journey, I am reminded of the early days when I shared a post about having 5+ activities within one image and being proud of tackling so many things at one time.  The expression that a picture is worth a thousand words rang true at that time and I was proud of my abilities to multitask, even when it was my alone time. 

However, as I'm learning how to navigate the single mom lifestyle, it's left me with lots of varying emotions and longer periods of quiet.  In the past, I've always tried to fill that silent void with a variety of noise, including constant music or tv in an effort to help keep me from getting too down and out.  Yet I've been doing a lot of reflecting and may have been inspired by a new friend to embrace the quiet.  I've spent so much time trying to drown out the deafening silence with distractions but maybe what I really need is more time to be quiet and reflective.  I've been on a soul-searching journey for a couple of years now and doing lots of work to figure out who I am and what my goals and ambitions are moving forward.  I need to embrace some of the silent time in order to truly connect with myself and with God to find peace in the moment and to embrace this new phase of my life.  I've been working hard at turning off most of my notifications on my phone in order to minimize my ADHD-feelings and need to check on everything right when a notification pops up.  I'm more intentional about checking in with the apps or people that bring me joy and add positive value in my life and realizing that it's okay to wait on certain tasks and responses until I'm in the right frame of mind.  The power of breaking free from our screens is invaluable and a skill that we all could use a little extra practice with daily. <3

Job Searching Post-SAHM Era

As a young child, I knew that I wanted to work with kids and helping them in anyway that I could.  I played teacher and house and found joy in taking care of others since that was the role I was thrust into from an early age.  As I experience more babysitting opportunities, I found a deeper passion for individuals with Autism specifically and knew that was my calling.  I went to college based on having the best special Education program in the country and was lucky that it wasn't far from my parent's house.  I spent 9 school years supporting students with special needs, including but not limited to attention difficulties (ADD/ADHD), behavior concerns (Emotionally Impaired), general delays in learning, and most passionately Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  It was a double-edged sword decision for me to pause my career as a special educator to be able to stay home and raise my two children.  I felt very fortunate to have that opportunity and spent almost 9 years at home raising my children as my primary job.  Being a mom has always been a life goal for me and being able to focus solely on raising amazing little humans has been one of my proudest accomplishments. 

As our marriage was coming to an end, I came to terms that I was going to have to go back to work but my teaching certificate had expired because at the time, we weren't able to financially keep up with the continuing education costs.  So I eased myself back in by becoming a noon-aid at the girls school last year (the school that I've spent at least 7 years at with the kids...my home away from home).  It was only for about 3 hours and I got to work with adults who I enjoyed talking to and spending time with as well as getting to know so many amazing smaller humans from kindergarten through 8th grade!  It was a great stepping stone and I loved being able to see my girls everyday!  As the divorce came to the forefront, as much as I loved the work, it wasn't enough to support myself being on my own.  I chose to return full time to the kids' school district as a paraprofessional (a support person for a lead teacher).  My ex tells me that I'm selling myself short and not working to my full potential but the part that he doesn't see is that I needed to pick a career that wouldn't be emotionally draining and time consuming...one that I could leave work at work so that I could be full-on mom when I have the kids.  I also needed a job that would be flexible and allow me to still be mom and be available for emergencies and as the go-to parent, that was invaluable to me.  I have looked into renewing my certificate but that is expensive and an investment that I'm not sure will make my heart happy.

All that being said, now I'm finding myself struggling to find a part-time/contract side job that will pay me enough to help supplement fun experiences with the kids and is something relatively easy for me to complete when I don't have the kids.  I would love something that is a beginning typist job or even simple data entry.  I'm good at organizing and planning things but sadly employers don't see that and all the invaluable experiences that we gain during that time in our lives.  I would love to get paid to do my things as a social media influencer but everyone needs years of experience.  So now I spend lots of time sifting through countless jobs that don't apply to me in hopes that something comes along.  Knowing that, if you have some part-time remote work that you need help me, please let me know!  I'm open to a lot of job opportunities! <3

Adult Relationships

As I reflect on the last few years, I have come to realize that adult relationships are challenging but can teach us a lot about the types of people that we choose to surround ourselves with.  I have spent a lot of time working on minimizing the type of people whom I choose to keep close to me.  At this phase of my life, I have worked hard to create distance from all of the relationships that don't make me feel valued and appreciated and who don't make my heart happy most of the time.  It's so important to surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us; not ones that make us question our worth or value. 

Family; no one really talks about how we don't need to keep those who are blood related close to us if they don't make us happy or make us feel loved and appreciated. Just because those people are related to you through blood or even through marriage, it doesn't mean that you have to keep them close to your heart or in your daily life.  I have struggled with a lot of guilt around this concept over the past few years as I've had friends lose their relatives.   I'm fortunate that all of my origin family is still here on Earth but if I don't feel like I'm treated with love and respect, it's okay to distance myself from them.  I imagine my heart to be like an onion with many layers; those closest to me are my 3 kiddos and they will forever hold that closest layer.  Various other familial relationships are on layers much further out from the core and have their own respective places in my life.  Instead of dwelling on the loss of familial relationships, I'm focusing on the family that I choose; those friends who have become my family and that I hold close to my core.  I'm thankful for their unconditional love and support through all of these life transitions and am proud to call them my family.  It has proven to foster some interesting ,and at times, funny conversations but it's worth it and I'll choose them over and over again.

Friends; I am lucky to have met so many wonderful people in my lifetime and each and every one has left its mark on my heart.  I'm generally a very outgoing person and enjoy meeting new people.  Unfortunately, life happens and some of those relationships seem to fade from view but something often brings back a memory of a time when we were closer and I can reflect with a general happiness.  I'm a firm believer that everyone that I meet, every relationship that I experience has some life lesson for me to learn.  I have various friend groups (including co-workers) who have been with me for different stages of life and I love that even though many years have passed between seeing one another, we can still pick up where we left off (with a few updates of course)!  I'm so thankful for those who have been in my life and for the love and support they have provided me over the years.

Relationships/Dating; all I can say right now is ugh...these emotional connections can be powerful and overwhelming at times.  Being a polyamorous person as well as a social butterfly can be a blessing and a curse; lots of emotions to regulate for me. I have several long distance relationships in which we can encourage one another, share stories about life (good and bad) and support one another. I love connecting over music and day to day experiences.  I have recently tried to date post divorce and it has proven to be incredibly draining and disappointing.  It's challenging to cope with the feelings of loneliness but then I end up running into scammers and people who want to use me for pictures and videos.  I had a very productive therapy session yesterday that left me feeling less down and out about my failed relationships but empowered to spend some real time thinking about how I want to present myself to the dating community and what I really need in a primary partner. I was also encouraged to do 15 practice dates and remind myself that this is a marathon; not a sprint.  God has a plan for me and I am trusting in the process!

Holiday Hustle

The holiday season is in full swing right now and the madness that ensues has not passed by this tired mom!  I wanted to share some of the chaos that I've got going on in hopes of offering someone else the knowledge of knowing that they aren't the only one out there who feels like they are losing their sanity.  While this time of year is the "most wonderful time of the year", it is also probably one of the most stressful times for moms and/or primary care givers.  Not only did we endure the craziness that was Thanksgiving (and believe me, it's one of my favorite holidays for reflecting on the multitude of blessings we have) but immediately following it, the magic of Christmas is in full force with no down time between the holidays. 

I love setting up our Christmas tree and just sitting in the glow of the lights!  This year has been a year for countless new traditions and while I didn't have all of the things that I've accumulated over the last 15 years, I didn't let that stop me from enjoying the holiday season.  I spent some time and money at the dollar store and ordered some new DIY ornaments to help add some extra love and festivity to the "new" tree this year.  In the past, I have prided myself on gifting the children with at least one special ornament to commemorate their interests.  I've organized all of their ornaments by child and labeled them with the year so that when they move out on their own, they will have a keepsake of their special ornaments.  This year, we covered the tree in our crafty ornaments and I love the individual talents that are represented!

In addition to the excitement of making new ornaments, we have enjoyed the antics of our elves on the shelf!  We have two elves: Twinkle, who arrived when Joshua was 3, and Sparkle, who arrived approximately 3 years ago.  I'll try to post some pictures of their antics (if I remember).  They have had fun bouncing between the houses and helping to keep the magic of the season alive for all of the kids who still eagerly look for them whenever they get the chance.  We also had the joy of seeing Santa earlier than usual at a craft fair in November and we got our pictures together and gave him their letters early! Thank goodness for an early visit because trying to squeeze that in later causes other issues....as you can probably imagine for fulfilling their wishes! 

On top of planning and coordinating the decorations, the elves, the Santa visit, pricing and planning gift buying for not only my children but every one else (teachers, therapists, other relatives, friends, and the list goes on and on).  Who's with me and tired of thinking about all of the people I'd like to share a thoughtful gift with? I wish the pressure of gifting so many people was not such a thing in our culture and that I could simply write a love note to express my gratitude and appreciation to those who have positively influenced my life in some way.  Oh and don't forget making the Christmas cards and the special Shutterfly calendars.  I sift through thousands of pictures to find a few good ones to put on a card and then a handful for each month for the calendar.  I do have to say that for the first time ever, I had it completed by the end of the Thanksgiving break and finally got to take advantage of the 50% off deal (it's the little wins that mean the most sometimes)!  As much as I may gripe about it, I do love having it as a compilation of some of my favorite pics from the year as a keepsake.

Now that we are in the single digits of our count down to Christmas (9 more days), there are still so many things to get crammed in!  The endless piles of gifts to wrap and prepare for delivery (in person or mail ordered), the cookies still to bake, the teacher gifts to prepare, the visits with friends I'd still like to try to get in, the never-ending piles of laundry to tackle, the appointments that are quickly filling up my days off over the holiday since when else can I get in?, and just the normal day to day things!  I'm beyond grateful to my small village (you know who you are ;) ) because without you, I don't know where I'd be!  I'm looking forward to the upcoming break to at least not have the commitment of work and to be able to enjoy the extra time with my kiddos and hopefully some time down time!  I hope that in the midst of this crazy time of year that you are able to take a few minutes to stop and admire your tree or something else that makes you happy to remember how blessed you are and that you are loved!

New Beginnings

It's time for me to start my new book (not just a new chapter) to rediscover Katie and what makes her heart happy.  A few weeks ago, I decided to re-enter the workforce as a full time paraprofessional.  I love working with kids with special needs and they have always had a special spot in my heart.  I'm currently working with the post-secondary students with ASD in our district and I have an amazing mentor/teacher and another great co-worker who have made me feel so welcome in their community.  I'm enjoying this change of pace; both a new age range that I have never worked with and as a paraprofessional, not the teacher.  It's been a great way to ease back into working and to still be impactful with these amazing students.

It's hard for me to wrap my head and heart around this new book's theme but it's here and I'm hoping that by sharing my journey, I may be able to help someone else feel less alone or find some comfort in knowing that someone else is going through this big life transition.  With mixed emotions, I am in my official single mom era.  It's been a long-time coming and it's what's best for us to provide the kids with a good role model of leaving a toxic relationship in search of a healthy, mutually beneficial, and supportive relationship.  The kids have been involved in a lot of the process to help me find our new home in an apartment for the meantime and helping me to create their ideal home life situation with this new stage of our lives.  Naturally there are a lot of big emotions associated with this life-changing transition but the kids have always been my main focus/priority and always will drive my decisions.  I need them to know that their mom will always love them and be there for them no matter what.  I have decided to do apartment living for about a year in order to have my own safe space and give me time to grieve this life change and work on healing myself on my own without his interference as well as to have time to house hunt.  (So if you are local, let me know if you have any good leads on any houses nearby!)  This whole process with the big emotions has led me to be more withdrawn from everyone and leaning on my relationship with God to help me know that He won't give me anything that I can't handle.  I'm tired of being tested but I know that He has something amazing in store for me so I'm holding onto my faith in this transition time.  My children have brought me so much peace and love during all of this and I am looking forward to sharing some amazing new memories with them.  Thank you to those of you extra special people who have been there for me every single step of the way and have provided me with a safe place to process all of this! <3 

Making each moment count

As part of my journey of healing, I have been focusing more on mindfulness.  Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and observant of one's surroundings without any judgement.  It relies heavily on how aware one is of their thoughts, feelings, sensations, and their surroundings.  These days, it's so easy to get sucked into the face-paced world and this compulsion to multitask and to get more "things" done.  However, I have realized that it has simply given more and more of us a feeling of attention deficit and pressure to have so many things done.

Here are a few ways that I have been more mindful in my daily life:

• Listening to some music and focusing solely on the lyrics and the message of the song (sometimes I watch the lyrics light up to keep focused)
• When brushing my teeth, reading positive affirmations on my mirror to help ground myself and inspire great feelings of motivation
• While washing dishes, I put on some loved music and sing while powering through some of the dishes
• I use music as a timer often and tell myself that I'm going to work on a given task just for the length of a song or two
• When I take my shower, being at peace with the silence and simply focusing on each shower task with purpose and intention
• Sitting at a stop light, I make the point to look around me and if I can make eye contact, a smile and wave!
• Taking a prayerful moment and intentionally asking God to protect each loved one with a specific request

It's still a work in progress but I do feel so much better carving out specific mindful moments throughout my day!